Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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