Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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