you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
