he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
