Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
