More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I skipped work to stalk him.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
