i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
