Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
