this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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