either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
