dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
