That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
