I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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