tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think my fart just growled at me.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
