Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
