mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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