Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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