i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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