At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
