Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
