I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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