May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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