HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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