Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
