sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
