So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
