I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
