three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
