I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
