I hate all girls vehemently.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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