I'm really into asian looking animals
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
