Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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