I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
