Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
