I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
