Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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