You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
