Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
