Please, let me fuck your mom
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
