when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
