So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
