i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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