How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
