I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
