it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I checked into jail on foursquare
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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