Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
