Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
