i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
