I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you inspire me to be a worse person
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
