It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize