you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
