so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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